When I was younger, it didn’t take me long to realize that my family was different from others. As soon as I started having play dates with my fellow classmates, it became apparent that my friends had something I didn’t: a mother and father that lived together under one roof. My friends did not have to spend every other weekend with one of their parents. Unlike me, they were able to spend it together. Obviously, I knew something was different about my family - that my family’s situation was not the norm. I saw something wrong with my family and, consequently, became very ashamed of myself and my family. I became even more insecure than I already was.
When I entered middle school, I moved in with my father and step-mother and felt secure that, at least from the outside, it looked as though I had a normal family. Fearful that I would be looked down upon, I lied to myself and everyone around me; I pretended as though I had a normal and whole family. I never mentioned my parent’s divorced; I told everyone that my step-mother was my actual mother. Everyone believed me, and for a few years, I believed this lie, too.
Starting seventh grade, I entered a private Christian school. I realized that there was nothing necessarily wrong with me because I had divorced parents. With the help of my teachers, I learned to have more confidence. I started to cope with my shame. I never outright told anyone that I had divorced parents; they just assumed that I didn’t. But whenever the subject came up, I would nonchalantly tell my friends that my step-mom was actually my step-mother, not my mother.
By the time I entered high school, I tried to convince myself that having divorced parents didn’t make me any less of a person, but I was so bitter inside. I hated having divorced parents; i hated having to split my holidays, my time, etc. I hated the stress that came from having divorced parents. I felt stuck and in the middle. It was unfair that I had to reap the effects of my parent’s decision. I hated talking about my parents and my family - it was such as touchy subject for me. But by some miracle, I learned how to deal. I learned to forgive my parents and that it was nothing I personally should be ashamed of. It wasn’t my fault that I was in this situation.
Now, after about 10 years, i think i can finally and confidently say that my parents divorce doesn’t bother me anymore. It’s just a matter of fact. However, I wonder what I am going to do about my graduation… and what about my wedding?? I don’t like the idea of having my mom dad, step-mom, and half-siblings all together…. do you understand the “stress” that I am talking about? ugh…
