naked & exposed

My dad is 49 — less than one year away of being 50. I never realized my dad was getting old, as harsh as that may sound. It scares me. What if all of a sudden he drops dead without any warning? It’s not like he has good health to begin with. Plus, he’s already under so much stress from both work and home. Well, whatever happens, happens.

no matter how tired i am, i just can’t sleep. it’s been for about a week now. but it’s so strange… there shouldn’t be any reason for insomnia.

THIS SUCKS.

they never called to say happy birthday…

The Little Prince went away, to look again at the roses.
“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend and now he is unique in all the world.”
And the roses were very much embarrassed.
“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you—the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.”

i miss Peter. a lot. He was my workout buddy. we would run together almost everyday. I stopped running after he left, because i’m too paranoid to run by myself. We used to watch movies together. we never got to finish the Back to the Future trilogy or even the Ocean’s series. I miss talking to him and just spending time with him. sure, he’d always get on my nerves - i could never handle his cynicism. Of course he’d always get annoyed of me & my complaints. But really, i miss him. Yet at the same time, I’m angry at him. He’s the only person i really wanted to attend my graduation & he can’t. I don’t think he even realizes how much I miss him. what a jerk… 

you always say how our friendship was one of the most valued during high school. if you truly thought that then wouldn’t you have tried staying friends? & by friends I don’t mean occassionaly saying “hello”. Oh but I remember, we’ve already tried being buddy-buddy again. twice. & both times, you failed. I’m honestly just really sick & tired of you saying all this stuff that you don’t even mean. Honestly, i really don’t like you & i don’t understand why people even like you. You’re a bitch & to make it even worse, you’re not true. you’re a whore & it pisses me off that you got a full ride to college, because well i don’t think you deserve it, especially since you don’t even come to school half of the time. I hope i never see you again. but if by some chance our paths cross, i hope that you’ll be a fat lard.

maybe that was a bit too harsh…

1. i hate it when people bite down on their utensials - it makes me cringe & sends shivers down my back.
2. I hate it when people talk when someone else is talking
3. i absolutely hate hate hate when people ask/tell me to eat
4. i am very against divorce
5. i am in a constant battle with my weight
6. my greatest fears are: growing up to be like my parents, never finding love, not getting married, getting divorced, getting fat
7. i’m also afraid of getting pregnant & growing old
8. i think i’m going to have a horrible case of mid-life crisis
9. once a cheater, always a cheater.
10. I am very against infidelity
11. i sometimes wish I was white.
12. I like to walk around in my underwear
13. I hate wearing panties
14. i have selective memory
15. i’m nicer to my sunday school students than I am to my younger siblings
16. i wish i had a boyfriend/ I wish i was married already
17. i believe in true love
18. i wish i was pretty
19. I wish i was more outgoing. i’m too shy
20. i want to be famous for a little while
21. i’m not good at keeping promises, although I like to think I am
22. procrastination is my greatest downfall
23. i like aerie underwear
24. i sometimes wish i was a guy because i hate pmsing/getting periods
25. I always take on more responsibilities than I can handle, which always causes more stress than necessary

ok, so i only have a few days left of school, and what do my teachers decide to do? FUCKING GIVE US ALL THESE PROJECTS & ASSIGNMENTS. WTFUCK DO YOU EXPECT ALL OF US TO DO???? we don’t fuckin have all this time to finish your fuckin assignments. seriously. having only four classes doesn’t mean you can bombard us with all this shit last minute.