naked & exposed

i think i love them just as much as i love smith.

hah, just kidding…. but seriously

while I’m making a list of things to bring to college, I just can’t but feel extremely excited. Ah, i can’t waitttt!

Be patient; that’s the best advice I can give you

So Paul left, and within a few weeks, he’ll be in Iraq. for 7 months. I think this was the first time I went to the airport to say goodbye to someone. I’m going to miss him a lot.

i don’t think anyone understand how incredibly scared of spiders i am. i don’t care if it’s real or not; I am afraid of spiders. Whenever I see one or think of one, my whole body freezes stiff, my insides start curling up into a ball, & my heart starts to beat incredibly fast; and if it’s really bad, i’ll start crying.

i just had an encounter with a spider, and i felt as though i was about to die. I attempted to kill it but I couldn’t budge at all. I shriveled up into a ball as I watched that eight-legged monster crawl around my room. It ended up crawling into one of my shorts, which I was about to put away into my closet. I ended up shoving my shorts into the hallway. By that time, the spider came out of my short and up the wall. I once again made a failed attempt to kill the spider with my shoe but could only hide behind the door. I asked my step-mom to kill it for me, but she just gave me a funny look and walked away. WTF. She doesn’t understand my fear nor does she sympathize for me. At the moment, I am wiping the tears from my face and am waiting for my dad, who is “one minute away”, to come home. I think this is the only time I so desperately wished my father was home. At least he doesn’t laugh at my seemingly stupid fear of spiders and is willing to kill them for me. Until he comes, I don’t think i’ll be able to confidently walk out of my room.

FML.

i found out who my roomate is. she’s a lesbian agnostic. but she seems pretty chill so i’m alright with it. I told my step-mom about her, and now she’s freaking out. so now i’m freaking out. she said, “Wouldn’t you feel awkward around her? Wouldn’t you wonder if she’s checking you out? Plus, you get influenced very easily by the people around you, so that wouldn’t be good for faith.” Honestly, I was pretty chill about my roomate, because, well, 1) i don’t think i’m a lesbian’s type, 2) as long as my roomate isn’t a pagan, i’m fine. but then my step-mom had to put all these thoughts into my head: I wouldn’t feel comfortable walking around in my pjs or even just changing in front of her; i probably won’t be motivated to go to church; would i even feel safe at night?
now, my step-mom’s pushing me to request a new roomate. I couldn’t possibly do that to my roomate; that’s just mean.

i hope she doesn’t read this.

i wish i was tall.
no, i wish i was tall & skinny.

for a moment, i forgot that…

• I am 18
• I have a car
• I am leaving for college soon
• this is summer vacation

so what the hell am i still doing here? I can do whatever the hell I want. let’s live it up, bitchesss

sometimes letting go is the only solution. and if you refuse, it’ll just lead to a bigger pile of shit. no doubt, it’ll be painful. you might even feel lonely or angry, but it’s okay; it’s all part of the process. so let go.

out of sight, out of fucking mind

i keep falling more & more in love with Smith. Every time I talk to a representative, student, or anyone affiliated with Smith, I always marvel at how warm & friendly they are.
ah, I can’t waitttt