Which is kind of odd, considering that I’ve gone through this so many times. You would think that I would’ve gotten used to it by now. But I think it’s because i know so very well of how this process goes that makes me incredibly sad. I know what to expect, regardless of how much I don’t want it to happen. We’re all going to say that we’ll still keep in touch and that we’ll see each other again soon. But there is no such thing as a “see you later.” Once they’re gone, they’re gone …unless they’re family. I think that’s why I don’t ever get sad when family members go away. Even when Paul went overseas for the military, I wasn’t sad. Even though I haven’t seen him for more than year, I know I’m going to see him again and that bond will always be there.
April 2011
32 posts
my body is clammy and the air is thick & wet.
yeah, it’s annoying, but this weather reminds me of summertime: being lazy, nothing but clammy skin, feeling the hot breezes, taking day trips, watching movies with no remorse…
I want. so badly.
Is anyone among you in trouble? let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.
James 5:13
because we shouldn’t exclude him from anything regardless of how big or small the issue seems, because we shouldn’t live life without him, because this is the least we could do for a being as awesome as he,
because he is in control of everything, and for this very reason, I put my hope and trust in him.
daddy knows best
5AM and I am hungry. I just stayed up through the night, and I’m craving something to eat.
I go downstairs to the communal kitchen, I open the fridge, and I see a batch of cookie dough. I love cookies. I’m hungry. I had no sleep. No one’s name is on the batch.
I want cookies.
But since I also want instant gratification, especially since I’m stealing someone’s food, I want to bake these cookies the fast way. I think. I look around. There’s no toaster oven, BUT there is a microwave. So what do I do? I get some of the cookie dough, put them in nice circles on a plate and put it in the microwave. I wasn’t sure if this could work, but I couldn’t see why not: cookie dough needs heat to be baked and microwaves produce heat. I wasn’t sure how long I should time it for. I was thinking about doing 30 seconds like I usually do when I reheat food, but hey, this is uncooked food. So I put in two minutes.
Two minutes is a long time for me, so I pace up and down the small aisle of the kitchen. I come back to the microwave about a minute later just to see how much longer I have to wait. I’m staring at the microwave, when finally it hits me. There is smoke steaming out of the cookies. I don’t think much of it at first, because I figure it had just started burning. But after I stop the timer and I open the microwave door, a huge cloud of smoke consumes my face. The intial thoughts going through my mind: holy sh*t! This smoke is covering my cookies! I slam the microwave door shut because the smell is getting to me. Then I look around and that’s when it hit me. HOLY SH*T, THERE’S SMOKE EVERYWHERE!!! I open the window as wide I could. I return back to the microwave and notice that, given the distance, the window isn’t going to help. Now, I am freaking out.
It’s early in the morning, I stole someone’s batch of cookie dough, I stupidly tried to microwave cookie dough and ended up burning them, smoke is everywhere — the last thing I want was for the fire alarm to go off and wake up the whole house so that they could all find out who the stealing moron was.
My heart is racing, and I am freaking out. I don’t know how I could get rid of the smoke, so I start swinging the kitchen door like a mad woman to get some air circulation. And finally, the air clears up a bit. I calm down a little, but there is still a problem. What am I going to do with the cookies inside the microwave? I couldn’t just walk away for someone else to find those burnt cookies inside that smoking microwave. An angry email would definitely be sent out to the entire house, and I would feel extremely guilty for not fessing up. But I also couldn’t open the microwave either for fear of smoking up the kitchen again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I unplug the microwave, carry it to the side door so that I would be less obvious and open the microwave outside. I look inside and see that the cookies aren’t badly burnt. I let the microwave air out for a little bit and lug it back to the kitchen and plug it back it. Safe and sound. My hands are shaking and my heart is still pounding. I still want the cookies though. I take in a long breath to calm my nerves. I start walking to my room while munching away on the unburned parts of the cookies.
Lessons learned:
- The consequences of being a glutton — gluttony is a sin!!!
- Don’t steal even if it does belong to annoying housemates
- Don’t microwave cookie dough — at least not for two minutes. 30 seconds might be okay, but I’m definitely not going to try that
- Sleep deprivation actually does incur stupid decisions
I cannot believe this actually happened. This is incredibly sad on SO many levels… definitely not a story to tell someone I’m trying to impress.
Well, time to finish up my work! Good morning, everyone.
I want to look back on my life and remember good things, happy things. I don’t want to look back and realize how I spent so much time stressing over such little issues.
As of now, I think my “biggest” concerns have been of my weight/looks and my singleness/boys (yes, I am willing to expose how petty I am). This is not to say that I actually don’t have real-life issues, because I have my fair share (don’t worry, I’m not that much of a mindless bimbo). Regardless, trials will always happen; that’s just a part of life and of growing up, but fretting over them will not help one bit. In fact, dwelling on them will lead to more unnecessary problems; I know from experience. But still truth be told, my life is wonderful. If I really think about it, there are a lot of blessings to be accounted for.
I do this thing whenever I finish a chapter of my life where I take time to reflect on what had just happened. I look for lessons to be learned, moments to be treasured, experiences to be avoided for future reference… I haven’t really taken time to look back on my sophomore year of college since it hasn’t completely come to an end, but from the little that I’ve reflected, I realized that a majority of it has been over really really petty issues. And it’s always over the same things. How incredibly boring and empty. I don’t want that.
So here I am back to the same conclusion I always come to after moments of pity. Live a joyful life, because it’s too short to do so otherwise. I don’t know about you, but when I’m on my deathbed and musing over memories, I want to remember happy moments. I want to be more than satisfied with how my life played out. This is not to say that I don’t wish some things were a certain way. I still desire what I want; I just won’t let it consume me.
…this process of letting go is definitely difficult and slow, but at least I’m on my way. Baby steps.
I always make a new one every few months
- more oxford shirts
- at least one pair of boat shoes. yes, at least one.
- maybe brown loafers? …yes, brown loafers.
- more blazers. especially one with gold buttons.
- i need shorts, especially red ones.
- gray cardi
- still looking for a zebra print skirt
- more sequins
- still looking for the perfect pair of espadrilles
- canvas tote
- rings, rings, gold-colored rings!!!
- bangles
- casual day dresses
& by the end of it, I always ask myself the same question: Do I even have the money for this? & I need to lose weight first — well, that’s not a question, but it’s always part of the conclusion.
I hate being a poor college student.
& I don’t know how to fix it.
It’s during times like these I see how insignificant I am, how little of an impact I have, how I’m rarely ever noticed, how life still goes on with or without me… I always knew that though. The world still turns with or without you, me, or whoever; it’s the cold hard fact. It just sucks when I see that so visibly right before me. Yeah, I’m definitely not going back on FB for a while…
Yeah, I know I’m on a tumblog binge. This just proves to show that I need to get a life.
1) why do I feel like I’m being scolded… like a little kid
2) why do I feel like I’m being threatened
I’m not sure if I should be this excited about this.
I have a feeling that once that day actually comes, I’ll have a meltdown.
Quick summary of why I deactivated: unnecessarily time-consuming, creepy, insecure
However, I’ve been on a few times since I made the decision to get off of it. I was only on for a few minutes, but during that short amount of time, I had such a weird feeling inside.
I felt like I was under the pressure of the social compliances I hated so much during high school. Maybe that’s the result of my insecurities, but I felt like that pressure could’ve been applied to everyone else. I felt disgusted & uncomfortable so I immediately deactivated.
Who knows, I’m probably going to end up going back on my words & start using facebook again. I don’t like the idea of being so disconnected with people, and I feel like I’m missing out on social news. But at the same time, I feel like this will show who I think is really worth staying connected with. BUT at the same time, I feel like some friendships were instigated through facebook… which is kind of sad to know that that is now how are society interacts with each other… Also, I feel like maybe I’m subconsciously secluding myself from others — a defense mechanism?
I… don’t know… maybe I’m just in a weird state of mind.
It was too much of a distraction; it was becoming unhealthy.
…but I don’t know how long this will last.
I think once I learn to deal, I’ll be able to activate it.
